When Life Gives You Lemons
by StringynKel
Summary: Weatherby Swann overhears a rather... interesting conversation between young James and Cutler.


It was a rather sunny day, that day, and very hot, too. It was the kind of day that sapped one of one's energy, that caused one to want only to lie on the grass in the shade of a tree with a glass of fine wine, contemplating life, or simply enjoying the view of the Atlantic Ocean stretching out for miles. Enter one Weatherby Swann. This young government official was, at the moment, sitting in the parlor of his large mansion with several of his dearest friends, his lovely wife, and their infant daughter, Elizabeth. General Norrington had just sent his son, James, to the kitchen to retrieve some refreshment for the group assembled in the parlor. James had been accompanied by Cutler, the son of a rather important officer of the East India Trading Company.

Governor Swann smiled, wonderfully content with his life at the moment. He sat amongst some of his greatest friends, discussing Great Britain's military success in the Caribbean. The ladies Swann, Norrington, and Beckett sat nearby, cooing over little Elizabeth. And, perhaps best of all, those troublesomely immature teenage boys, Cutler and James, were nowhere in sight. Yes, life was good.

But was it really? Governor Swann could not help but wonder. After all, he currently had two adolescent boys alone in his kitchen with various… utensils. Governor Swann shuddered at the thought. Perhaps it would be best to check on them?

And so Governor Swann made his way through the corridors of his mansion toward the kitchen to ensure that the boys were not getting into any trouble. As he neared the kitchen doors, he heard something that nearly made his heart stop.

"Well, Cutler, what are you waiting for? Put it in!"

Governor Swann stood, slack jawed, as these words sunk in. Surely, they were not… He shook his head and continued listening.

"Where?" came Cutler's voice, sounding nervous and confused.

"Where?" James repeated incredulously. "Good lord, don't tell me you've never done this before!"

"Well, I've seen some of the servants do it, but I've never actually tried it myself…"

James sighed, saying, "You put it _here_. Honestly…"

A horrible squelching sound rang through the air, followed by a low grunt from Cutler and a soft giggle from James. Governor Swann fought hard to resist the urge to projectile vomit into a large vase standing near the kitchen door. He paused again to listen.

"Oh, that's it," James said, exasperated. "I'll do it. Go sit on the table."

Governor Swann heard the soft rustling of fabric, and another loud squelch. He could hardly believe his ears. They were… ugh. He could hardly bear to think about it.

"OH!" shouted Cutler, gasping. James began laughing, and Cutler said, "It isn't funny, you cur!"

"Oh, come now, Cutler," James replied, stifling his laughter. "It wasn't that bad."

"This was a stupid idea," Cutler muttered.

"It was _your_ idea, genius," James said.

"Mine?" Cutler cried, indignant. "As I recall, _you_ were the one talking about finding something to do that would keep us out of the way of the adults upstairs."

"As_ I_ recall, _you_ were the one who suggested this particular pastime," James retorted.

"That was before I anticipated that it would result in pain on my part!" Cutler said, indignant. James merely laughed.

A few minutes of silence passed by, broken only by the rustling of more fabric. Then:

"OH! OH, GOD! OH, _CUTLER!_" James cried out. He continued like this for a minute, but Governor Swann could detect some very strange sounds underneath the din.

James' shouts finally died down enough for Governor Swann to hear Cutler say, "Mmm, delicious. Would you like to taste it, Jimmy?"

"No! And don't call me that…"

Governor Swann began to feel very faint. Th-they had… they had… and in his _kitchen,_ no less! Oh, God…

"Well, I think that's enough of that for one day," James said, and Governor Swann detected footsteps approaching the door.

"Oh, come on, James," Cutler replied. "You know you had fun. Just a bit more?"

"For the last time, no!" James shouted, sounding more than a little edgy. "I think it's high time we returned to the parlor. Now, get cleaned up!"

"But Jimmy…" Cutler whined obnoxiously.

"Oh, fine!" James sighed, exasperated. "But only to shut you up!"

Cutler squealed in delight and clapped his hands.

"NO!" Governor Swann shouted, bursting into the kitchen. James and Cutler froze, then turned to face him.

The scene before Governor Swann was, to say the least, not what he expected. James' eyes were red, and there was lemon juice splattered on his face, as well as on the table, counter, and on Cutler. Cutler was holding a towel and mopping up the lemon juice on the counter. Sitting on the counter was a pitcher of freshly squeezed…

"Lemonade, Governor?" James said, holding the pitcher under Governor Swann's nose.

It was at that point that Governor Swann fainted.


End file.
